Far too many

I try not to be that wife.  I try not to be the over worrier, the dwell on the bad kind of wife.  Let's be serious for a minute though.  In this day and time, you have to face reality.  There are dangers in this lifestyle, there are risk.  There are dangers that not many are willing to face.  These facts alone don't always make it easy to deal with.  Now add in that 8 LEO's  have made the ultimate sacrifice in the last 11 days. 

This is staggering.   8 families that are now missing a father, husband, brother, son. 

What bothers me even more, is that you don't see the non stop news of how this has happened.  You may see a blip on the news today, and that be it.    Now you know as well as I do, if it had been 8 officers shooting someone, then it would be every where.  That is another soap box. 

Today is the first time in 11 years, that I am anxious about Hubs going to work.  While I know he is not on the road like a lot of the guys, but still, anything can happen. 

I try not to be the wife that thinks the next statistic will be us.  But let's face it, no one thinks they next statistic will be them. 

I text hubs earlier, and told him to be safe, have a good shift, and I loved him, as I do the majority of his shifts.  Never take time together for granted.  Make what you have count.  Life is far far to short.

To those families that are dealing with their terrible lose, my prayers are with you. 

Cold Feet in the bed

Hubs worked all weekend.  The kids and I had various things going on, much as we do every weekend when he works.  It dawned on me Sunday afternoon while the kids and I were trying to get ready for the week ahead that, Hey we have only Hubs about 45 minutes ALLLLL WEEKEND.  Now let me just say that his schedule was Friday and Saturday 2pm-2am, then Sunday he worked 1pm-1am.  We text rather often and even chatted on Facebook briefly, and somehow managed to find, agree upon and reserve a vacation home for our annual family trip. He did get to come home fairly close to his actual time to get off work, but we were all asleep.  Even with that, it still kinda sucks when you realize you haven't seen your spouse in pretty much 3 days.  So last night, he had some time to burn, so he came home a little bit early.  I was snuggled in the bed watching Nights in Rodanthe.  Hubs finally comes to bed, and puts his cold feet right up against my warm legs.  Normally he does this when I am almost totally asleep and I will admit to not always being nice when he does.  Last night however was a different story. I was just happy to have his cold feet home and snuggled up next to me.

A lot of times we take time together for granted, then there are times when you just can't imagine them not being there.  Those are the times that you just need to see them or talk to them, or just in general know they are there and are ok. 

Hubs is home tonight, and it is raining here all day, so Thing 1 and 2 don't have ball practice.  We actually have a night at home to get a couple of things taken care of at home, and I can get cookies baked for snack for the kids ball game tomorrow night.  There are very few dull moments in our home especially this time of year, but I am more than grateful that Hubs is going to be home tonight to spend it with us.

Words you don't dare say

Last night the hubs was working his usual noon to midnight shift.  We met for supper like we usually do-we try to eat supper together at least one night when he is working, simply for the fact that we would like to see him.  The patrol officer working shift was leaving the same restaurant, after eating with a group of deputies.  As he was leaving Thing 1 told him to not stir up too much so Daddy can come home on time.  The patrol officer then said the words that are basically a shifts kiss of death....I have a feeling it is going to be quiet tonight. 

I get a text about 1030, that says "I am gonna be very late getting home, got a D#$@ 10-73."

For those of you unfamiliar with 10 codes or may have varying codes....its a crazy person.  That means sitting at the hospital with said unstable person so that the doctor can evaluate them and decide if in fact they are 10-73 or just need a few minutes to calm down.  If they are the former, then the officer has to sit with them until a bed opens up for them and a deputy can transport them to the waiting facility.  This has been known to take HOURS. 

Hubs got into bed about 330 this morning.  I will be telling him when he goes on duty tonight to tell the other officer to keep his mouth closed about what he thinks the night will hold.  It is basically Murphy's law.  If you say that it will be quiet on shift, then all hell will break lose.  If you say you want a busy night (more than likely) it is gonna be dead as 4 o'clock. 

Hopefully though, when he goes 10-42 tonight, it will be close to midnight, which is what time shift should end.

When Daddy has school

The hubs has been in school off and on the last few weeks and this week it has been "Fundamentals of Investigations".  Last night we all got home, he sat down in his recliner with his stuff from the week and started studying because he has a test today.

I go about the business of being a mom.  Getting little boys homework folders signed, and supper cooked, and laundry going and just things in general done.  The hubs says you may have to give me this test in a bit.  I said ok (of course what else would I say).  Then the kids set down in the living room to read and he starts asking them questions. 

I got so tickled.  I said Cop's kids...learn the fundamental of investigations right along with the Cop. 

I will admit the three none LEO in our family did pretty darn good on the test seeing as how we don't do investigations. 

It caused a flash back to BLET.  I will be the first one to admit, parts of that were craptastic.  When he was learning take down tactics and pressure points.  Guess who got to  learn them by example?  Yep you guessed it.  So I will say thought that is handy knowledge to have. Ya know just in case I ever have to take someone down and all.

I realize that each profession has it's own quirks and stuff, but seriously a 9 year old and 7 year old answering questions about fundamentals of investigation is hilarious.

A first in our house

Last night was a first for us.  A bomb threat was called into one of our local businesses and it and the surrounding businesses had to be evacuated.  Thankfully it was a hoax, and all was fine.  However this business is on my way home.  So the kids and I were coming home from haircuts and supper with my mom and her husband, and we see the mass of flashing lights, both blue and red, and the mass of first responders of all types.  My kids asked what was going on.  I had to call a close friend of mine to find out, since her husband is a fireman that was on scene.  She said it was the bomb threat.  So I (possibly a mistake) told the kids, that someone called in and said there was a bomb at the store.  Well we get home, and I tell little boys to go get baths, and I notice that my youngest is crying.  This is not totally out of character for him, he is a bit emotional at times. 

My oldest son hugged him and asked what was wrong, and my youngest turned to me and said "Mama I am worried about Daddy".  Let me just tell you, that hits you hard.  About the time he was saying what was wrong, I got a text.  That said basically, that he would be late, he was trying to come home and see us, but couldn't and that he loved us.  So I tell the boys, "Look Daddy is fine, he is texting me, he is ok and he loves you" 

That thankfully got them settled, but up until they went to sleep they were asking if I had heard from their daddy. 

Right before they went to bed, I got my youngest son in my lap, and had to look at him and explain, this is our life honey, this happens.  Daddy is called to do this job, and that means at times he is going to be in very dangerous situations.  We just have to have faith, that God will bring him home to us and if we are really scared, then we pray.  So my youngest son crawls up in my lap and we prayed for safety, not only for my husband but all of the ones out there. 

It dawned on me, as much as I try not to let the worries of the lifestyle show and get to us, it does take a toll on the little guys.  Thankfully Hubs made it home safe and sound at his regular shift end time.  The best part is we have the entire weekend to spend with him.

Can I just say it sucks???

I am well aware of what I should expect being an LEO wife, but let me just say that this new schedule sucks.  I know I shouldn't complain, I know beyond anything else I am lucky that my LEO is not a statistic, and I know that we will eventually get used to it again.  Until then, I will think it sucks.

The transition is a bit much for us, and by us I mean the who family.  Even the dog is thrown for a loop.  The kids can't seem to keep up with who picks them up from school on what day even though that part hasn't changed.  It is just the sum of the whole getting to us.

I am sure in a few days we will all be fine, but until then, and until my sleep gets back on track, I want a nap, and I want my hubby home when I take it (none of which will happen).

That is my rant, I won't (well will try not to) do it again.  I feel better now, but I still want my nap.

Change is coming

Anyone married to an LEO knows that shifts change and schedules change are not uncommon.  Well I get a text Tuesday saying the Hubs' schedule is changing....the next day.  Yep so my little world of  him home every night and every weekend is no more.  I was not happy I assure you. We have gone back to the every other weekend 2 on 2 off.  This in theory is awesome because he is home during the week and can get things done.  It sucks in reality because he will be working odd hours, coming in all hours of the night, and working every other weekend.

This is a common schedule with LEO and it is one we dealt with for the better part of 10 years.  It was very easy to fall into the routine of it when we had no choice and knew no different.  Now that we have had "normal", well giving it up is going to be rough. 

All of it reminds me that all (well most) LEO spouses are in fact married single parents.   It makes you appreciate quality time together.   It also makes you annoyed, and frustrated and can make you grumpy. 

I know adjustment will take a bit of time, for myself and the kids, and the Hubs but I have a feeling it is going to take longer to get adjusted to that than it did the last change which ROCKED!!